


Will not remember, cannot forget

by patrochiles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Feels, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:47:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26030629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patrochiles/pseuds/patrochiles
Summary: The damage was already done, but Matsukawa wishes he could change things one last time.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Matsukawa Issei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Will not remember, cannot forget

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tooruluvr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooruluvr/gifts), [iwaoiks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwaoiks/gifts), [entrechat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/entrechat/gifts).



> I saw you guys tweeting about crying Matsukawa and in general Matsukawa angst. So, I decided to join in on the fun and make him sad as well. Hope you guys like it!

Matsukawa dates people that look nothing like Iwaizumi. He doesn't have any time for distractions. (lies)

Brunettes with hazel eyes and bashful smile capture his attention. Bright hair with blue eyes and long legs catches his eye.

( They're not Iwaizumi )

He sometimes gets asked out by the occasional raven head with green eyes, and he fervently rejects them.

( They're too similar. Because what-if Iwaizumi's name slips from his tongue ? )

His thoughts evade normalcy and instead, they drift towards Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi's doing well, he hears from Hanamakki. Dating some guy from UC Irvine that caught his fancy, Matsukawa is happy for him, he truly is, he tells himself. He wants Iwaizumi to move on from him, he tells himself.  
  
( lies )

He's always been a _terrible_ liar.

Iwaizumi doesn't call him anymore. He probably deserves that considering the last time they spoke he was pretty harsh to Iwaizumi.

( This is just a high school relationship, why do you care so much, he'd asked Iwaizumi )

Because highschool never ends, right? Iwaizumi had told him that with trembling bottom lip. He remembers that those _green_ eyes could make him do anything.

( They still can. )

He still goes out, lives his life and dates other people, but never settles. They ask him why _Issei_? They don't want to know, he tells himself.

He doesn't know what's the easiest way to say- _It's not you, it's me_.

It's not him, either. It's _Iwaizumi_.

His mind provides him with memories of happier times of him and Iwaizumi, everywhere he goes.

After the fourth love song, he turns off the radio and frowns, fingers silently drumming urgently against the steering wheel. His eyes are open wide, and his breathing is harsh, and he hopes it doesn't give away anything. He keeps fooling himself.

He has nightmares about Iwaizumi, he knows. He will wake up in cold sweat and proceeds to forget about the dream but knows it's about him.

The only one he can remember is the one where Iwaizumi is gone, and he is crying his name, screaming his name, wishing he would return to his arms. He curses because Iwaizumi is gone, he's lost him forever, and it's all his fault.

( His life is currently that nightmare )

Iwaizumi meets him with contempt in his soft green eyes. He remembers when he would gently run his fingers through Iwaizumi's hair, and then Iwaiuzmi would give a small smile, and he would cup his face and gently kiss him on the lips.

Except now he is back to reality, and Iwaizumi is glaring at him.

( He misses him )

Iwaizumi doesn't even say his name at the annual Seijoh reunions. It's always uncomfortable, and their friends are always walking on eggshells and keep asking the same old questions, and Iwaizumi answers them the same.

He's quiet because Iwaizumi wouldn't answer him even if he tried.

He asks, and Iwaizumi frowns at him.

_I don't miss you_ , he says.

He wishes he could lie to himself like he's been doing all these years and tell himself that Iwaizumi is lying- that he thinks of him every day, that Iwaizumi does want him back.

But he broke, Iwaizumi's heart first, he remembers. 

( He can tell Iwaizumi is not lying )

He doesn't cry, even though Iwaizumi is worth all his tears.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading it!


End file.
